Fixing Washington

Having blogged about Frank's alternative future, Pokemon and Jay Z over the past few weeks, I figured it was time for a serious post. And what could be more interesting than politics!?!?!?!? ..well I guess a lot of things could be more interesting (like Godzilla v. King Kong with Sock'em Boppers ), but I like politics so SIT DOWN AND LISTEN UP (read up #the internet makes everything harder)

Congress has a horrible approval rating. I am pretty sure killing cripple orphan children would be more popular than Congress right now (pathos - am i doing it rite?). Part of the problem is simply the public's ignorance. What's that humble blog reader? You don't think you are ignorant. Well okay then, answer these questions WITHOUT USING GOOGLE. Who are your state senators? Who is your district representative? What are their parties and platforms? (wow I just attacked my audience effectively destroying the central pillar of the rhetorical triangle...YOLO). I am willing to be that less than 5% answered that question correctly (by the way that is lower than Congress's approval rating...just saying). I would tell you the answers but that would ruin the point of this post, which is to get the public active. I frequently hear the idea for "term limits for Congress" when in all actuality they don't need them. There are elections every 4 years folks (every 2 years if you count the fact that they are offset).  If you hate Congress VOTE THEM OUT YOURSELF! We the people elect them. If they want to spend all their time arguing it is the public's responsibility to kick them out. If they overspend it is up to the public to find new leaders. People love to blindly complain about government, when they are misinformed and/or unwilling to take action themselves.

The solution to this problem has two parts the first being quite simple. Compulsory tests should be given in order to register to vote. A simple two-minute exam matching candidates with their platforms would ensure that the people who do vote know what they are voting for instead of checking all the GOP/Democrat boxes all the way down. The second part of the solution is a little more difficult - getting people to vote. America boast one of the lowest voter turnouts out of any western democracy (including our worthless neighbors up north. That's right CANADA is beating us!!!). This is largely because the amount time and effort spent to vote rarely seems to be worth the minuscule difference that one vote could make. Unfortunately everybody thinks that way and nobody vote. The first part of the solution will solve part of this. As people become more informed about he candidates they will have more of an interest in voting and will feel motivated to make a difference. The rest can be solved by making voting faster. It seems somewhat ironic that they shutdown schools to vote and only use three rooms for voting. Instead of waiting in a line through hallways, fill the school up with ballot boxes. The building should be lined with ballot boxes, in rooms, in hallways, outside. People wouldn't be so hesitant if they knew that they could get in and get out instead of wasting their whole morning. Accessibility can even be taken a step further. Instead of central locations, we could vote online (assuming that the government achieves cyber-security and stops the Pentagon from getting hacked every 3 months!!!). Heck you could even vote on your iPad (yup there's an app for that).

Another problem with the legislative branch is the lack of experts. Sure many congressmen went to college, but that doesn't make them experts. The majority of congressmen major in law. How does a major in law help to combat poverty, analyze security threats, fix the economy, or achieve international peace? (Objection the prosecutor is making too much sense. OVERRULED!!!!) Why is cabinet loaded with the security advisers and the economic analysts? Screw the executive! (Dear secret service agent, this was in no way, shape, or form an attack on the President. I am just an emotional 11th grader with a keyboard). The cabinet doesn't get to make the laws, they just talk about the ones that Congress has already made up. We need to flip the branches. Congress should be the place where the experts reside. The economic experts can analyze the market and draft legislation to fix it. The foreign policy analysts can create treaties with the best chance of approval while security analyst work to combat any future threats. Seriously, why do we elect the pretty faces and the smooth talkers to Washington? What is this a class council election? We might as well elect Claire Standish! The nerds should be ones making the rules. Who better to reform the tax code than somebody who has spent his/her whole life studying it? Why quote some researcher on school reform, when he can be there himself? The public needs to stop electing Jeff Wingers and start electing Sheldon Coopers (...ok maybe not Sheldons but you get my drift).

Obviously Congress has ALOT more to be fixed (lobbyists, embezzlement, logrolling, pork-barreling), but hey we will save those for another post. (And to all the Canadians out there I offended -  imma let you finish but AMERICA IS THE BEST COUNTRY OF ALL TIME.!) (Jk Canada your alright XP).

The Republic of Chen

Last week we had awards night. The stage seemed almost perpetually occupied by the Chen siblings (or some combination of the two). After the awards Alex Liu proposed an...interesting future in which the Chen siblings ruled the world. (Alex also blogged about this if u want to read: http://ohcooligetmyownurl.blogspot.com/) I decided I would give my own two cents on the Republic of Chen (Liu 12).

The Republic of Chen starts out as any regime does, as nothing. This is where we are now. Sophia and Frank are simply enjoying (assuming of course that they are humans and not intelligent autonomous robots) their high school years. The Republic starts off when they enter college. The siblings will soon find out that they are just too smart for the ivy league schools they attend. They will then start to educate the students at their respective universities and overshadow the teachers. It might start off as a study hall and grow into a class or they might take a page from Ender's Game and in a clever allusion create blogging pseudonymous to spread their word. Regardless they will eventually be regarded by the students (and probably the faculty too) as the smartest beings on campus. 

This is where the first of many revolutions begins. The student body will overthrow the campus administration. They might pull a "Glorious Revolution" and manage it without bloodshed, or it could go the exact opposite way kind of like a Lybia. Either way Frank and Sophia will take their rightful place as co-deans of the school. After re-tooling perhaps one of the most successful universities to become even more successful, the siblings decide that they are ready to move on the bigger and better things. They decide to run for public office and easily win seats in Congress sporting their successes. The next year they run for president (Sophia gets to be president because she is older. Sorry Frank) and VP. They win again and become the first siblings to occupy the White House (and the first Asians, and the first female president... like awards night all over again). After just 4 years the two fix the economy and alleviate poverty domestically. They manage to negotiate treaties between the major warring states and achieve what for the moment is international peace.

The two then submit a resolution to the UN to unite the world under one regime. While other states initially oppose the idea, they simply can't beat down public support. World leaders simply agree to the resolution or fight an un-winnable war against the populace. By the second term in the Chen presidency, all countries of the world have accepted the UN resolution and the world is finally united under the Chens. Sophia decides to rule the East taking residence in Beijing while Frank decides to stay in D.C. (he really likes his custom tailored Tempurpedic mattress in the White House). The Republic is born.

But like all regimes the Chen regime must eventually end. Sophia, unable to curb Asia's insane population growth is quickly running out of food and water despite her advances in agro-science (which she won 6 Nobel Prizes for back in college). She decides to funnel food and resources to the smartest in the society, giving humanity the best chance for advancement. She retools the society around the Spartan agoge. Instead of killing a wolf by age 13, children have to get as 2300 or higher on their SATs. By 16 they should have made one lasting contribution to society in the form of a classic novel, scientific principle, invention etc. Frank, still living in the US and an avid Oprah fan, is appalled. Oprah has drilled into his mind the idea that everyone is destined for success (also that everyone gets schools. YOU GET A SCHOOL YOU GET A SCHOOL EVERYBODY GETS SCHOOLS). He confronts Sophia and accuses her of being an eugenic assassin (an assassin that uses eugenics, not an assassin who kills eugenic practicers #misplacedmodifer). The fight develops and suddenly all of the anger built up over the years rises to the surface. "Frank you stole my magnifying glass and never gave it back" "Sophia you wouldn't let me in our electron collider AND IT WAS MY TURN" The chaos is imminent.

On any other day the Chen siblings would have just made up, but not this day. A man by the name of Jack Wang is commuting across the Pacific to China. He stands on the bow of the ship and points to the coast. He accidentally knocks off a flare from the wall and it burst into the air. To the sleep deprived coast guard it see an attack. Wang's notoriously big arms seemed like a cannon shooting out the flares of impending doom towards the shore. They heard about the Chen's argument and thought Frank was on the attack. They launch a strike and blow up Wang's civilian vessel (Wang survives. His head and big arms act as makeshift floatation devices and carry him safely to shore.) Frank, still wound up from the argument , is furious and irrationally decides to strike back. The nuclear stockpiles of the world are released and the Republic of Chen ends. The Chenpocalypse has destroyed Earth. (See Liu 12 for Chenpocalypse).

The end of the Republic is not the end of humanity though. A special fleet was commissioned to start a space colony. The colony preserves the human species and it eventually recovers to healthy population levels on another Earth like planet. The leader of this colony will also establish a regime over the Earth 2.0. The leader was specifically picked by the Chens to lead the colony. The individual was the only person on Earth on par with the excellence of the Chens. The leader? Jiaxiu Zhong...but that story is for another day. =P

*** I would like to reiterate that THIS WAS ENTIRELY FICTIONAL AND REPRESENTS NOTHING CLOSE TO FRANK AND SOPHIA's ACTUAL LIVES. Sophia is one of the nicest people I have met and she would never starve Asian children. Also Frank is way to smart to watch Oprah.

What Darwin Can Learn From Ash Ketchum

After watching dozens of TED talks and desperately searching for the perfect one to blog about, I have finally (and quite arrogantly may I add) decided to make my own. Pssssssh, who needs experts? I am Sachin Kanetkar!!! I am one year away from a high school diploma and have an average GPA for a student of my age. I am practically a genius!!!!  So lets get to it.


Pokémon is the biggest gaming franchise of the past decade. In the past 10 years,  Pokémon has sold more games and merchandise than any other gaming series. For those of you who are not acquainted with the  Pokémon world it goes something like this. You start off the game (apparently with amnesia as your are reintroduced to your mom) and go off on your journey catching little monster-animals by reducing them into tiny pieces of matter and trapping them inside a technologically advanced sphere capable of housing living organisms (you know the usual). You then train these monsters, called pokemon, to fight other trainers' monsters (against PETA's will) and end up as the champion. (You are basically like a legal Mike Vick...too soon?)


Right about now you are probably wondering how domesticating pokémon only to have them smash each others brains out could possibly teach anything valuable to our youth. While these ferocious battles may seem violent and archaic at first, they soon begin to show the bond between the pokémon and his master. The pokémon doesn't have to fight. In many episodes of the popular tv show, pokémon simply refuse to do anything. Ash's Charizard is a prime example. Ash repeatedly calls on it to battle and it just sleeps on the field. In one episode however, Ash finally connects with his Charzard and it realizes that Ash is its friend. This loving bond is at the center of every battle. Trainers don't battle to hurt their pokémon, they battle because they believe in them. The trainer knows what his pokemon is capable of and wants to push it to the limit so that it becomes stronger.


Another aspect of the series that is unique to pokémon is evolution. As players level up their pokémon the  pokémon evolve into faster, stronger versions of their species. This teaches children that change isn't inherently bad. For example, when I started to ride a two wheeler I thought of myself as a pokémon evolving to become bigger and stronger. This growth of pokémon can be parallel to almost any change in the real world. Children who play pokémon draw these parallels and learn to take advantage of the changes in their lives. Whether they are moving to middle school or moving to college, Pokémon shows kids (and even adults) that growing up is simply another stage in life that will help them achieve their goals. Becoming the  pokémon champion is a metaphor for the goals in life that every kid aspires to fulfil. The journey is tough, but in order to succeed one must accept the change in live and make the most of it.


Some say that children won't pick up on this complex metaphor, but it is not just the pokémon who evolve. The trainers learn a lesson after every episode and grow with their pokémon . In fact after every region, Ash scraps is old  pokémon team and starts to catch the ones native to the new region. This is because in order to succeed in this new environment he will need the pokémon best suited to this area. Because every child sees them-self as a  pokémon trainer, the creators of pokemon use Ash to help children draw the parallels to their own lives. Children learn from Ash and his ability to adapt to his environment and begin to adapt to their own. Ash is the human representation of adaptation meant to drill into children's mind the idea of evolution.


Pokémon isn't simply a game, it is a lifestyle. Pokémon teaches the youth to embrace adversity and change. Ash and his pikachu show us that hard work is all you need. Problems will present themselves at every opportunity (i.e. trying to stop Team Rocket and beat Gym Leaders) but as long as one believes and works hard success is just around the corner. When an individual is both determined and adaptable, he/she is unstoppable.

Challenge Accepted

Ayy waddup department chair Mrs.Smith.

This rap is will be like my life's zenith,

So take a seat while I prove you wrong,

and blog about Lang through the use of song.

You see I am not like Jay Z or MC Hammer.

They rap about girls; I rap about grammar. 

They say "You're, a geek, a, dork, a, nerd"

but I reply that their comma splice is just absurd.

I tell 'em to sit down with a grammar book

and finally give grammar a second look.

It is honestly not as hard as it seems.

Just remember- except after c, it's always i before e.

The hoodlums were surprised at what they found,

as they highlighted verbs and circled the nouns.

They finally started to see grammar as fun.

"I got 99 problems but grammar ain't one"

"Isn't" I corrected Mr.Z,

as Ludacris started to explain a synecdoche.

"Atlanta might be where the player plays,

but it is the world where humanity balls all day"

My boys had moved on from laughing at Shakespeare's use of phallus;

now they were doing complex literary analysis!

We talked about Hawthorne and the Scarlet Letter.

"Hester just wanted to change her and Pearl's life to better."

We then moved on to Ernest Hemingway.

"Yo Eminem I loved the ending" said Dr. Dre.

"I wonder if him carrying the mast is a biblical allusion,

as he walks home both proud and somewhat disillusioned."

I looked around and to my face came a grin,

seeing rappers read, screaming "ALL WE DO IS WIN"

Not a whine, or a wail or a mope or a moan,

just Mr.Kanye West - definitely in his zone!

But eventually our fun had to come to a close,

as we closed our books filled with epic prose.

I figured this was like their holy penance,

for all those years of rapping with one long run on sentence.

We were all APLangstaz filled with new knowledge.

Not that high school junk, naw this course was COLLEGE!

We finally said all of our goodbyes

and Jay screamed "Forget Broklyn, AP LANG TILL I DIE"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N4vf8N6GpdM - semi related